I WONDER if Harry Kane’s cousin plays Sunday League football, or if Adele’s brother can hold a karaoke tune down the Dog and Duck.
It can’t be easy having a superstar relative in the family.
Any of your own talent and hard work would be in danger of being eclipsed by the more famous, more glamorous member of the family.
Let’s consider the VW Touareg. Built on VAG’s industry leading MLB platform, it shares close DNA with the Porsche Cayenne, Bentley Bentayga, Audi Q7 and Lamborghini Urus.
That could be seen as being the equivalent of Paul McCartney’s younger brother who does a tidy rendition of Chas And Dave’s Rabbit on the spoons after a few brandies at Christmas.
But rather than wither in the shadow of its illustrious SUV siblings, the latest generation of the Touareg rules the roost.
Take the VW badge from the front and the snobs out there would be easily fooled into buying the Touareg over any of the others, save perhaps the Urus. It’s a handsome beast, oozing slick sophistication and bruiser bulk.
This latest generation packs LEDs as standard and has been tarted up in the design studio to move it on from being a boxy, utilitarian wagon.
It clearly spent time in the wind tunnel, giving it much sleeker lines, a smoother profile and more aggressive stance.
At the moment only one engine is on offer, a 3.0 litre diesel V6. If you’re worried then don’t be — it’s a peach.
A lower-powered petrol is in the pipeline, as is a hybrid, but I can’t imagine wanting anything other than the diesel.
It’s a torque monster, delivering bucketloads of low end shove and holding on to the urgency almost all the way to the bigger numbers in the rev band.
Steering is precise and it corners agreeably, if not slightly cumbersomely. But, hey, look at the size of it. It weighs 2,070kg.
I do have one serious gripe though. The gearbox is uncharacteristically confused. Half the time it kicks down too quickly, the other half it doesn’t shift quick enough.
Fiddling with the drive modes helps but it never achieves perfection, which is unusual for VW.
But stressing the auto ’box makes for stressful driving and, in fairness, once you’ve settled to a family-man pace there’s no bother.
The headline act of the Touareg, though, is its interior. My God have the boys in white worked hard here.
It’s far beyond what you would expect from a middle market brand, with two huge touchscreens dominating the dashboard and driver console — one 15inch and the other 12inch — trimmed with the perfect amount of prompt buttons for safe and easy use.
Volkswagen has even spent time and money developing a glass which resists grubby fingerprints and is easily wiped clean. What a time to be alive.
I am slightly baffled by the fact you can’t option the Touareg with seven seats, possibly enough to push prospective customers towards the Q7.
But it does free up plenty of room for the entire family.
Yes, 50 grand is a lot of money for a car, but unless you’re a Mormon this is all you’ll ever need for family life.
And on PCP it works out at just under £500 a month.
Despite being from a clan of over-achievers, VW has done enough to make the Touareg the favourite son.
It’s the one getting a couple of quid more pocket money and extra roast potatoes on Sunday.
KEY FACTS
VW TOUAREG
Price:£51,595
Engine: 3 litre V6 diesel
Economy: 42.8mpg
0-62mph: 6.2 seconds
Top speed: 146mph
Length: 4.9 metres
CO2: 173g/km
For the driver who has everything
PUT yourself in the exquisitely polished brogues of the average David Brown Automotive customer, who probably has around 150 cars already.
Ferraris are too common, Lamborghinis all look the same and every classic car they’ve ever wanted is already stashed under a silk sheet in the garage.
The answer to these enviable woes is to go bespoke – and that’s exactly what British brand David Brown Automotive does.
Its latest Speedback Silverstone Edition builds on the existing GT model, which itself is based on Jaguar XKR underpinnings and features the marque’s brutish 5.0-litre supercharged V8 engine.
But this isn’t simply a Jaguar donor job, because DBA’s team of engineers and craftspeople invest more than 8,000 hours into each machine, meticulously hand-rolling the aluminium body work, handling the numerous hides that make up the interior and whittling wooden veneers to perfection.
The result is a 601bhp grand tourer that looks like nothing else on the road, handles like a more focused Bentley Continental GT and comes with an eye-watering price tag of £744,000.
Only ten of these leaner, meaner and darker Silverstone Editions will be made and each comes fitted with a 1960s-inspired brogued and embroidered interior trim, brushed chrome dials and switches, and luggage storage space in the place of the rear seats.
The boot also transforms into neat event seating on which owners can enjoy watching the polo or some other such folly.
Admittedly, some of that old Jaguar technology is noticeable inside the cabin, especially the outdated infotainment screen, but it is finished beautifully otherwise.
And it is quickly forgiven when the right foot is planted and the Speedback lets out a pleasing roar from the exhaust pipes, the nose lifts and it rockets down the road.
It is mightily quick but power is delivered effortlessly, while the ride is geared towards long cruises through France rather than pure track day performance.
The cabin is quiet and extremely well sealed from the outside world, the seats are cosseting and the reaction from passers-by is predictably ecstatic.
Whether or not it is worth the hefty outlay is a topic that’s up for discussion but for the customer that has it all, that really won’t matter.
Leon Poultney
KEY FACTS
DAVID BROWN AUTOMOTIVE SPEEDBACK SILVERSTONE EDITION
Price:£744,000
Engine: 5.0 litre V8
Economy: 23mpg
0-62mph: 4.2 seconds
Top speed: 155mph
Length: 4.76 metres
Reader’s car of the week
LOOK at this retro pic, sent in by Trevor Dixon from Lowestoft, Suffolk. That motor looks mint.
Trevor says: “This is me with my first new Triumph TR6 sports car in 1972, when I was 22.
“Then, it cost £1,690 on the road but I was a welder offshore so had loads of money in those days.”
To see your pride and joy featured here, send a picture and description to features@the-sun.co.uk.
Bike News
Taming the wild Ducati
THERE’S something very cathartic about swinging a leg over a motorcycle, pulling on a lid, thumbing the ignition switch and just riding.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for powerful sports bikes and high-tech tourers, but there’s just so much going on these days, you need a PhD to work out the various riding modes, traction control settings and displays.
The Ducati Scrambler 1100 is one of those bikes that you can simply hop on and enjoy with no fuss or fanfare. It just wants to be ridden.
Billed as the big brother of its 400cc and 800cc Scrambler siblings, Ducati hopes this mightier unit will appeal to those who love the ace, retro-inspired styling of its popular Scrambler range but want a bit more poke.
And it has certainly succeeded in that, because although the thumping L-twin engine delivers a modest 85bhp and 81Nm, it does so with such smoothness and low-down grunt that it makes overtaking manoeuvres a breeze.
Despite its larger engine, the 1100 hasn’t lost any of the chuck-ability that made the Desert Sled and Scrambler Icon models so addictive.
I found myself hopping on the press bike at every possible occasion, not for the thrilling ride or blistering pace (although it does handle nicely) but simply because it’s so easy to live with.
Run out of milk? Jump on the Ducati. Got meetings across town? Jump on the Ducati. Dash up the motorway to see some friends? Yup, you guessed it.
Admittedly, I found the gear change required a precise left foot to avoid clunking into false neutral, and there’s not much room on this Sport version’s shapely seat for pillion passengers, but these are easily forgiven.
MOST READ IN MOTORS
It looks epic, sounds great and didn’t disappoint during all manner of rides – but it comes at a cost.
With prices starting at £10,695 and rising to £12,295 for this Sport model, some might find it a little steep for a beefed-up town bike, but I guarantee you’ll get your money’s worth.
For more bikes search “bike world” on YouTube or find Bike World on Amazon.